Topics I have pondered today

1. How much more traffic was there in London before the congestion charge was introduced?
2. Can ice cut?
3. What does acclimatising actually entail?
4. What really important thing that I was meant to do have I forgotten?
5. Do people actually have to sort out your recycled waste?
6. Why aren't I more tired when I've only had 3 hours sleep in nearly 48 hours?
7. Why is it hard to eat a lot of food in the morning?
8. Is Marmite good for you in small doses?
9. Why don't they put road closure signs higher up in the air so they can be seen further away?
   

Songs I want to morph into a human just so I could ravish them

1. Wildcat - Ratatat
2. Go With The Flow - QOTSA
   
3. Woozy - Faithless
   
4. Cause = Time - Broken Social Scene
5. Hotel California (specifically the bass line) - The Eagles
6. Riders on The Storm - The Doors
7. Number 1 Crush - Garbage
8. Comacabana - Booka Shade
9. Pretty Little Ditty - RHCP
   

My most used personal vocabulary

1. Safe
   
2. Standard
3. Sweet
   
4. Sick
   
5. Sound
   
6. Mandatory
7. Nice
8. Pub
   
9. Wrecked
   

Songs I wish I'd written first

1. Happy Birthday To You
2. Build Me Up Buttercup
3. Mandy
4. Can You Feel The Love Tonight
5. You Are So Beautiful
6. It Must Be Love
7. Love Will Tear Us Apart
8. Time of Our Lives
9. We Could Be Heroes
   

Places you really really don't want hair

1. nose
2. earlobe
3. eyelids
4. palms
5. neck
6. back of the knees
7. nipples
8. between the fingers
9. mouth
   

Ultimate pies

1. steak and ale pie
   
2. chicken and bacon pie
   
3. monster truck pie
4. beer pie
5. Megan Fox pie
6. magic pie
7. whiskey pie
8. money pie
9. gun pie

Great names for kids

1. Delicious
2. Lucifer
3. Bitch
4. Goliath
5. Stalin
6. Poppycock
7. Panther
8. Squeak
9. Gatsby
   

Films that anger me

1. Bridget Jones's Diary (should have kept it shut, or burned it)
2. Love Actually (rubbish, actually)
3. High School Musical 1, 2 or 3 (so squeaky clean it makes your eyes bleed)
4. The Golden Compass (Mindless, stupefied drivel that rips the heart and soul from Pullman's novel and replaces it with CGI)
5. X-Men: The Last Stand (Where's the empathy?)
6. Sex And The City Movie (no comment)
7. The Transporter 2 (Being punched out of a moving lorry on the motorway and managing to grab hold of the underside of the vehicle before hitting the road is, I'm sorry, NOT POSSIBLE)
8. Moulin Rouge (although they did manage to accurately visualise a headache)
9. The Chronicles of Narnia (Peril apparently only lasts 30 seconds)
   

Rubbish things about mornings

1. Waking up
2. How your alarm manages to creep into your dream without waking you immediately
   
3. The sip of tea/orange juice after brushing your teeth
4. Getting caught with you hand down your pants, and trying to explain that it's just 'comfy' there
5. Being awoken by the telephone, only to discover it's a telesales drone
6. The moment when the duvet falls slightly too far off the bed, rapidly exposing your tender legs to icy cold air
7. Waking up with a cat/dog in/on your bed.. that's not yours
8. People telling you a very important thing to remember when you're in a half-asleep daze
9. When your ten minute 'snooze' feels like you've literally just blinked your eyes
   

Worst Typefaces

1. Comic Sans
2. Comic Sans
3. Arial
4. Optima
5. Impact
6. Wide Latin
7. Brush Script
8. Curlz MT
9. Comic Sans - just please don't use this typeface, I beg you.
   

Things I hate about the daily commute (sorry about the excessive sarcasm)

1. Indefinite delay signs
2. Cancellations due to LEAVES on the track
3. Cancellations due to LIGHT RAIN
4. People who don't let others OFF before they barge ON
5. Sitting between stations..
   
6. No, I don't want to listen to your RUBBISH Garage music you made using Music 2000
   
7. Yes, it's fine to let your massive dog sit on the seats. In fact, why not just let it crap all over them?
8. Oh no, I love it when your quadruplet-carrying buggy rips my shins to shreds when you use it as a battering ram
9. YEAH I'M JUST CALLING YOU TO GIVE YOU MY CARD DETAILS.. YEAH I'M ON THE TRAIN.. DO YOU WANT MY PASSWORD TOO? SORRY IT'S REALLY LOUD IN HERE, I'M GONNA HAVE TO SPEAK UP!
   

Best presents I've ever received

1. guitar pick
2. three year old condom
3. faithless gig tickets
4. card made of my favourite pin-ups
5. money
6. forrest gump
   
7. flask
8. monkey keyring which shoots water
9. cd of my own music

Things that look awkward in baths

1. television sets
2. potted plants
3. coin
4. other baths
5. a B&Q assistant
6. lighting equipment
7. cushions
8. fish
9. Horatio Cane